Gabby
Mom,
What am I going to do without you? I needed you to get better. I need you here forever. I always expected you to be indestructible and available. I owe you so much and whether you knew it or not I always planned to take care of you and show you that I could do good. I wish I had just one more opportunity to take care of you mom. I've made so many bad decisions and I'm pretty sure I will continue to. The only thing that is for certain is that you won't be here to help me feel better about them, to fix my mistakes, and to show me that I can still be a good person. You gave me my heart. You showed me how to use it. You were my first friend. I need you to come back to me. I don't care how impossible it sounds I need you to be back here with me. I need to hear your voice, to hear you laugh, to hear you yell at me. I need you to come back and hold my hand while we're walking into Target and to take me on our date to Panera Bread. We still have to go Christmas shopping. I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare and be back in my car singing to you again. I need you forever mom, how could you leave me? You reminded me daily of how you wanted me to be a strong person. I'm trying, but I can't do it for everyone anymore and I hope they can forgive me for that, but most importantly I hope you can forgive me when I fall and don't know how to get back up. I'm going to try my best to make you proud mama, I think you know that already though. I miss you mom but I hope you don't miss me. It would break my heart even more than it already is if I knew you did. I love you.
